Just Sitting

“The secret of being wrong isn’t to avoid being wrong! The secret is being willing to be wrong. The secret is realizing that wrong isn’t fatal.” Seth Godin

I began to wrestle with anger last spring. Restriction of movement with complacency and silence were tipping me into rage. I had to stop my teaching and withdraw into self-reflection. It was hard, very hard. I knew my 30 years of living in China were coming to a closure and I didn’t know what to do.

Anger said: This is not fair! I don’t want it to end this way. I am angry with COVID and wars and politics. I am mad at the whole world. I want everyone to get angry and scream. I want rage to be out on the streets!

I notice how anger roams through my body. The energy is so potent. What else is it trying to reveal? What soft emotions are underneath?

Fear whispered: What if I am wrong? Should I fight or let go? How do I know what is the right way forward? What if I am not strong enough? What if I fail?

I hold fear gently. Fear is part of life. This is a difficult moment, and fear is a normal response.

Silence reveals a newcomer: Hello, sadness, my old friend, you've come to talk to me again. I see you, I cannot hide. Let's do this together until the end of time.

I let sorrow envelop my senses.

It is ok to be sad. Let sadness express herself. I am surfing the ocean of sadness and getting drunk with salty water. The body is exhausted and there is nothing left to express. There are two paths from here. One into lethargy and disconnect and another…

It is a bright and sunny day. It is time to rest. Let rest bring nourishment. It’s ok, everything will be ok. It’s ok to rest. Just breathe, just sit. It’s ok to be alive.