Reparenting

It’s like a mother, when the baby is crying, she picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms. Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, to recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief. Thich Nhat Hanh

The child in me forgot how it feels

To be held gently

While emotions surge.

All she remembers

Distinctly

Are threats forcing her to purge.

Hold your tears!

Anger is bad.

Fear is for the weak!

Crying again?

You are so sensitive.

Just like every child

All I needed was

To be safe,

Loved,

To belong.

Just like all children

I did my best 

To learn the lesson

That being emotional is wrong.

And now, after all that diligent learning

Like a head on a stick,

I walk around smiling.

Desperately trying,

Pretending and striving. 

Am I now fully approved?

Look how unemotional I am!

Unmoved.

Am I finally socially groomed?

Do I smile enough?

Can’t you see how much I try?

My needs haven’t changed.

I just don’t dare to cry.

Decades have passed,

Still looking for attention,

Hoping parents will provide 

That kindness and protection

That I needed all along.

And then, finally,

One sunny day,

I understood, luckily

The felt sense of what it means

To be safe, loved and to belong.

The parent I want

The parent I need 

Is inside of me!

A little bit rusty

And a tiny bit green

But ready to serve.

Honest and serene.

And the Inner Parent spoke:

Here I am, my darling,

Sorry it took me so long

First I had to learn

How to release the pain, 

Practice gratitude and forgiveness.

And now that I am unburdened

Let me shower you with kindness.