It Takes Courage

“The universe is not trying to break you, my dear,  it’s trying to find a way to wake you up, so that you will see what is real, and worth fighting for. It takes time to heal, but it also takes courage.” Jessica Stein

Right after ticking all items on my bucket list, at the peak of achieving all I thought would bring happiness to me, I began to drift into a depression. I lost everything, mostly my capacity to endure pressure. Curiously, my subconscious spoke to me through a dream in which a school guard threw away my books, money and passport after I asked him to take care of them. Furious with anger, at first I tried to figure out what his name was. As if trying to comprehend who would be capable of throwing away valuable possessions after entrusting him to keep an eye on them. Guess what he said? My name is… Happy! He giggled disarming me from an argument.

Around the same time, my yoga teacher tried to convince me that it wasn’t depression, but the time of awakening that I was going through. Eventually, I listened and drop the idea of reading books and began to practice. Soon I learned that the recovery would be slow and that slow was the new fast. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hurry. Happy nodded with approval.

Fifteen years later, just like in everyone else’s life, some months are great, and some carry more pain and sorrow. But one thing I learnt, it is essential to find the courage to notice micro-moments of joy regardless of what is going on. And for a moment of joy, life is worth fighting for.