About Friendship

'You must be very patient,' replied the fox. 'First you will sit down at a little distance from me-like that-in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day...”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Since childhood, making friends has always come naturally to me. I never questioned why people wanted me in their circles; I just intuitively felt who belonged in mine. My first friend was my sister, who taught me the true meaning of commitment, respect, honesty, deep conversations, and the joy of shared interests.

The most recent friendship I've been blessed with is with a five-year-old girl named Tara. Our connection was immediate, but it deepened profoundly earlier this year when I reached out to her just before a life-altering event—her father passed away. Losing a parent at such a tender age is heartbreaking, especially without a strong support system. Following an emotional first aid approach to a triage situation, I focused on supporting her mother, trusting that Tara would somehow be alright.

As the months passed, I longed to reconnect with Tara, but when I reached out, she rejected me. It was her birthday, and I thought it would be the perfect moment to bridge the gap, but she wasn’t ready. The pain of that rejection was deep, and though her mother gently reminded me, “She’s only five,” it didn’t ease the hurt. With a self-compassionate 'Ouch', acknowledging the pain of rejection, I accepted the consequences of my actions.

A few weeks later, I shared the news of my return to Serbia, and with gratitude, I accepted the invitation to stay with Tara and her mother for a few days. What followed was a gift beyond words! Tara was filled with joy and excitement, eagerly creating a list for my arrival:

- Cleaning the house with Dalida
- Welcome balloons
- A performance with a clown and a princess
- A dance of summer vacation
- Exercises with The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go” and Tones and I’s “Fly Away”

As I talked more with Tara’s mom, we realized how much Tara was teaching us, and we lovingly began to call her Tara 老师, (Tara Laoshi, Teacher Tara, to honor our bond and our shared connection to China).

Here’s what I’ve learned from my dear Teacher Tara:

- It’s okay to be sad when people leave.
- It’s okay to be angry when people leave.
- It’s okay to feel sorry for avoiding contact because sadness and anger made it hard to express myself.
- It’s okay to feel joy when people come back.
- It’s okay to prepare a warm welcome and go out of my way to show how much I care.
- It’s okay to set aside feelings of sadness and anger from feeling abandoned during tough times.
- And it’s absolutely okay to begin anew, making a list of things to do together, so we can make the most of our time before the next farewell.

Learn more about why is all of this important and how it can change people's lives in the American Psychological Association presentation How to Create and Deepen Connections